Death Tales
by Alonx
Summary: This is about what happens in the afterlife! There will be prankwars and drama and all that Marauderly fun
1. Chapter 1

**Hey y'all! It's me Alonx, as always I asure you that did not drop off the face of this planet. I would like to give recognition to all those who have R&R/Follow/Favorited my other story. I would send you a thank you PM but I'm to lazy.**

**Reunion **

The first thing that registered in Tonks mind as she woke up in this strang new place was that the light was blinding. _Where the hell am I? _The last thing she could remember was a sense of falling. _Oh no, am I dead? _she thought, _well, if I am, at least Remus will be here too. _She blinked rapidly and suddenly the world came into focus. She was placed on a sunny hillside. All around her the birds were chirping and the air smelled sweetly of lavender. There was a groan from behind her and as she spun around to see what it was she tripped and fell over nothing. Then there was a laugh and a voice that was definitly Remus' said, "well, at least we know the afterlife hasn't affected your personal traits at all."

"Oh shut it Lupin," she said irritably. Remus looked younger without any flecks of gray in his brown hair. His worry lines were gone too. The sadness in his eyes was reduced but was still there.

"So I'm Lupin now?" he said playfully. She glared at him, and three figures shawdow's were visible on the horizon. Tonks squinted at them, one of them looked very farmilar, the other two she didn't recognize at all. Remus' head however, perked up at the sight of them.

"Tonks!" one of the figures shouted.

"Sirius!'' she yelled running toward him and jumping into his arms. "I missed you so much," she said, her voice muffled as her head was buried in his neck.

He smiled and stroked her hair, "I know.''

"Oh so he gets an, 'I missed you so much' and all I get is a 'shut up Lupin'?" Remus said indignitly.

"In all fairness she did see you what, five minuets ago before you died." said another voice, this one soft and sweet and feminine.

"Yeah Lupin, listen to the redhead," said Sirius cheekily.

Lily Potter smiled at him, "hullo Remus," she then turned to Tonks, "I'm Lily Potter if you couldn't figure out by present company."

Tonks smiled, "yeah, I figured. I'm not quite as dull as some people make me out to be," she said her head swinging aroud to glare at Sirius.

He held his hands up in a gesture of surrender, "hey, you were the one who-"

But he was cut off by Tonks who said, "oh no, you are not bringing that one up, Sirius Black!"

"Do I see good black-mail material in the near future?" said James Potter.

Tonks turned to glare at him now, "no, I highly doubt you do because if Sirius speaks of it he will suffer the consiquences," she stated grimly. Catching the slightly nervous look on Sirius' face she said, "yes, I do mean _those consequences._What, you think I was somehow humbled by marriage?"

"I'd say it was quite the contrary,'' Remus added.

"Shut up Lupin"

"Love you too Dora."

"Moving on," said Tonks, "where are we?"

"You don't recognize this place?" James stated, slightly dumbfounded.

"Yeah, you should, the place you are sent to is supposed to be your patronous memory!"

"So your saying we have the same patronous memory? Cause I don't think that's physically possible." Tha was Remus, always finding a way to counter the truth.

"Oh that wounds me Remus. Like a knife right here." she said making a stabbing motion over her heart.

Remus rolled his eyes, "get over it."

"yeah well my patronus memory was... oh yeah, it did take place here," she said smiling sheepishly. "I forgot I changed it."

"If you would please follow me we could proceed to the place wewill be spending most of our time." said James taking up a tourguide type of voice.

"Yes come on," said Sirius, "follow the bigheaded prat." They all started walking in the direction James was pointing.

You're one to talk," commented Remus.

Lily's head swivled toward him, "I don't know Rem, there are times when I could cal you a prat."

"I would use the term 'noble git'," Tonks added.

Lily nodded, "you could use something a lot more colourful than that,""

"And have on occasion."

"Get over it." Tnks said, reuseing Remus' ealier statement.

"And here we are" Tourguide James said.

"This looks liken apartment building," Tonks said frowning.

"They are, each one is modeled to look like the house each person lived in before they died." seeing Tonks open her mouth she added, "No, it won't be your mothers house."

"This is why we keep her around," Sirius said, "so we can have someone to explain everything."

"Gee thanks." said Lily sarcastically.

''Any time"

"And this," Lily continued, "will be your apartment." She opened the door and Tonks gasped,

"This looks exactly like my flat before I was all depressed!"

"Congrats!" said Sirius, mocking her happy-go-lucky tone of voice.

That earned him a glare. "Oh haha very fun-Remus, Teddy!

His face paled considerably, "I'm sure he'll be fine, he can stay with your mother." He laid a consoling hand on her shoulder. "He'll be fine Dora." he repeated.

"Hate to interupt but there's a Dumbledore waking toward us." Sirius interupted.

Tonks turned toward where Sirius ponted and indeed there was a Dumbledor walking toward them.

He smiled and said, "You four are being; called upon by Harry. Nymphadora, your father wishes to speak to you."

They all nodded and broke off in there seperate directions, "see you later guys," Tonks said.

Sirius and James saluted her in an identical movemnt. Lily waved and Remus kissed her on the cheek.

Tonks looked questioningly at Dumbledore. He smiled and said, "room 2172 third floor, oh and you migt meet some unexpected friends on the way."

"Do you always have to speak in riddles?"

Still smiling he said, "must you always trip over everything?"

"Yes!"

"Then I think I have the right to speak in riddles"

Tonks sighed, "I'll be seeing you professor."

"Good day Nymphadora."

"Not particularly."

She walked in silence for a few minuets, just thinking, and she only tripped over air twice, and ran into a door once. Then she walked into a person, "sorry, sorry, I'm so sorry-Fred?"

"Tonks? what-you died? But you were supposed to be at home with Teddy!"

She waved him away impatiently, "you think I was actually going to listen to my husband? Please."

"Yeah, I got trapped under corridor wreckage. You?"

"Oh, Bellatrix murdered me while I was crying over husband's dead body." Tonk said.

"Oh." It was all he could think to say.

The ghost of a smile played upon Tonk's features for the first time since she arrived. "I was just going to see my dad, you could come with me if you wanted. But I doubt you would. Or you could go wait in the common room, it's on the main level."

He nodded, "why are you here alone?"

"The others were 'called' (she put air quotes around the word) by Harry."

"That's... really weird actually."

"Later Fred."

"Tonks."

THIS IS WHERE YOU PUT THE LINE BREAK! THIS IS WHERE YOU PUT THE LINE BREAK! AM I MAKING MYSELF NOTICEABLE!?

20 minuets later Tonks was sitting in the common room next to Remus and Lily with her head on Remus' shoulder. There was dead silence. finally Sirius stood up and said, "Alright, I've had enough of this. We need something to lighten the mood. How about a kareokee fight?"

"No." Remus answered,

"Fine, hair care time?"

They all stared at him.

"Joking, I was joking. How about we strip tease each other?"

Tonks, Lily, Remus, and James didn't look like they altogether hated the idea, but Fred and Sirius both died alone so that idea was vetoed by Fred, but in his mind he was thinking, _I wouldn't mind doing Tonks, but I think both she and Remus would kill me._

A slow smile spread across Sirius' features. "We should have a prank war."

"I agree wholeheartedly" came from Tonks.

"Can I be team captain?" begged James.

"II wanna be captain!" Tonks wailed.

"SHUT IT!" Sirius yelled, "Prongs and Tonks are team captains, Tonks picks first."

"Black." Tonks said imeadiatly.

James countered just as quickly with "Moony"

"Weasley." Tonks said easily.

The people walked to there respective teams. Remus clapped his hands together and said, "Right, Prongs, are you still gonna make me sleep with her now that we are on seperate teams?"

"Yes." Lily said.

"Why must you punish me so?" Remus asked.

"You deserve it.''

"So I'm a punishment now?" questioned Tonks.

"Yes, because think about all the things you could do to him at night." Sirius explained waggling his eyebrows.

Tonks rolled her eyes, "you are so perverted."

Sirius bowed and said, "Why thank you."

"May I get back to why I deserve such punishment?"

"Because," Lily said as if she were talking to a four year old, "you are a prat. You left your pregnant wife-"

"You depressed her for a year." Fred added.

"Could we not bring this up?" Tonks begged, "Please, I got enough of it from my mother."

"Alright, team awesome over here.'' Sirius.

"We are not being team awesome." Tonks said, "absolutely no chance."

"Elephants?"

"No.''

"Gryffindors are awesome?"

Tonks glared at him, "I resent that."

"How about the smarticles!?"

Tonks was taken aback by that one. "Smarticles?"

"Yeah!"

"A) we don't even have all the smart people, and B) that makes us sound like retards." Tonks said.

James smirked, "then maybe you should keep that name."

"I wouldn't do that," Remus warned, "she's not above hurting someone she just met."

"So just clearing this up," Sirius started, "are we or are we not The Smarticles?"

"NO!" said Fred and Tonks together.

"Sheesh, just asking," muttered Sirius. They started walking to where the 'Headquarters' would be. All was silent for a moment and then she heard,

"How about the flying pickles?"

Tonks smacked her forehead, "I'm doomed."

**That was the end of chapter one, hope you liked it. Don't worry, it will get funnier. Oh, the word smarticle originated in a school subject, the person who can guess which one gets their pen name in the next chapter. You only get one vote. You know where you should put the vote? In your review. 'Misty, you can't vote because I don't remember if I told you this story or not. **


	2. The Secret Admirer

**And here's chapter two! Oh, and I've been wanting to thank thank my incredibly amazing Beta, RiverHolly13086! aqnd before I forget, Me no own.**

**The Secret Admirer**

"I don't see why you don't like the name team awesome." Sirius said. They were sitting in Sirius' apartment disscusing pranks to play on the other team.

"Because, dear cousin, we don't want to _encourage _your vanity." Tonks explained, "that would be horrible." She added a dramatic shudder.

"How about, the Black, the Tonks-"

"Lupin," Tonks corrected.

"Right, right, the Black, the Lupin and the Weasley."

Fred shook his head, "too long."

"How about the Troublemakers?" suggested Tonks.

"Sounds just like Maraurders" Sirius told her.

"So?"

"So why don't we just call ourselves the Marauders?" Sirius said.

""Because you are the only real Marauder." Tonks explained with her you-are-an-idiot voice, reserved especially for Sirius.

Sirius thought about that, "You're married to one, so you have marriage rights.''

"Well if I do then so does Lily and that makes all of them Marauders," countered Tonks.

"True but they probably won't think of that, they're probably too high and mighty to do something as childish as name themselves."

"Point taken." Tonks admitted.

Sirius clapped, "Yay! sooooooooooooo we are the Maraurders?"

"Sure, whatever floats your throne, oh King Sirius" Tonks said sarcastically.

"Tonks," Fred complained, "I thought we already had the 'do not encourage his insufferable ego."

"I'll go get my colours!" Sirius said excitedly.

"Erm, why?" Tonks asked.

"To make a sign that says THE MARAUDERS in big fancy writing and put it on the door." Sirius explained.

"Right," Tonks said, "of course. How could I not have known that."

* * *

Remus' P.O.V

"Do you think they're still tryng to figure out a name?" Prongs asked.

I rolled my eyes, "probably."

Lily interrupted us, "aren't we supposed to be thinking of pranks instead of gossiping?"

I made a face at her. "Do you have any ideas?"

"Yes," she said smart alickly, "as a matter of fact I do."

Prongs made a go on gesture.

"You could do something to Tonks while she's in bed." she said and smiled at them expectantly.

I blinked, the only thing I could think to say was, "technically that was Sirius' idea."

"Is there any way you can stop her morphing powers?" Prongs asked.

"No." I answered imediatly.

"Oh." Prongs said lamely. "I don't have any more ideas then."

"Oh, oh, oh ,oh oh! I got it!" Lily said excitedly.

"What?" Prongs and I asked a the same time.

"We should trade Sirius' shampoo with hair removal potion!"

"Yeah," I said, warming to the idea, "yeah, and we could disguise the bottle as his shampoo!"

* * *

Thrid P.O.V

Fred hoisted up the extendable ear, "you know, it really is convenient that Sirius' flat is right on top of James and Lily's."

Sirius was seething, "how dare they! How dare they even think of doing such a horrible thing to me!" he ended with a dramatic huff. "WE'RE GONNA GET 'EM AND WE'RE GONNA GET 'EM GOOD!''

Tonks shook her head, "drama queen."

"Don't you mean king?" Fred inquired.

Tonks shook her head again, "no, I meant queen.''

"Shut up, you two. It's brainstorm time." Sirius yelled.

The three 'Maraurders' sat in silence for a few minuets, then Fred sat up triumphantly. "I have it! Tonks will send a secret admirer note to James, then Lily will get jealous and then Remus will notice it's Tonks' handwriting, and he will get jealous. And while they're al in a jealous, fighting heap, Sirius will sneak in and trade Lily's shampoo with the hair remover tonic they disguised as shampoo and put Lily's shampoo where the hair tonic was."

"Tonks, I know you're in shock, but close your mouth." Sirius said, rolling his eyes.

* * *

Remus P.O.V

The bottle of hair removing tonic was sitting between us and there is silence, we were all trying to figure out the best way to get in into Sirius room. Then there was a knock at the door. Prongs got up to get it. "It's a letter for me!" he exclaimed in suprise. He quickly ripped it open to find,

_Dear James,_

_I would like to congradulate you on your atounding good looks. I really think that you deserve rcognition for how beautiful you are. if you agree, meet me in apartment 2172 at 7:oo tomorrow,_

_Love,_

_Your secret admirer._

"James Potter, I swear, if you go, you won't have an apartment to come back to!" Lily warned.

"Aww, come on Lils, it would be fun to see who it is!" Prongs argued.

"Guys-" I started.

"No, it wouldn't be fun!" Lily said angrily.

"Guys-" I said again.

"Jeez, Lily it's not like I was going to... you know."

"GUYS!" I yelled.

"WHAT!" they said together, turning to face me.

"I was wondering, if any of you cared to know that that would be my wife's hand-writing?"

"I swear if you leave me for _her_-" Lily started.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, nobody said anything about that," I said smiling reasurring, "and plus, there's a simple way to see if this is a prank." I pointed to the ceiling, "that's Sirius' flat isn't it?"

Prongs nodded, and I smiled and put a finger to my lips.

_"I can't beleive you actaully sent that to him. _That was Fred's voice.

_Well, he is cute. _That was my wife.

_Yes, and you're also married. _Thank you Fred!

Sirius' P.O.V

As they were turned around listening to the recording, I went and snatched up the hair tonic. Sneaking off to Prongs and Lily's bathroom I made the exchange. I carefully put Lily's shampoo exactly where the tonic was. Then I crept out the door ad smiled in satisfaction. A job well done.

* * *

**Third P.O.V**

The next day, Fred, Tonks and Sirius were all louging around Sirius' flat when they heard a ear-piercing scream. "WHAT THE HLL! mY HAIR! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY HAIR? SIRIUS ORION BLACK!"

Tonks smirked, "looks like Lily took a shower!"

Just then Remus burst through the door. "You... are... in... so.. much...tro...trouble..." he said obviousy out of breath. "Lily's... gonna...kill...you..all.."

Sirius looked outraged, "You were going to do it to me! Why can't she kill me in the form of a prank!"

"Oh she will." Remus assured him. "Look here she comes now to not quite but very close to murder you!"

"Shit."

**The end of chapter two! Bye bye!**

**Love Always,**

**Alonx**


	3. Your Very Own SInging,Dancing, Werewolf

**Hey! I know its been waaaaay too long since I last updated but I do have an excuse. My computer died and I can't get it to charge so I have to rewrite this on someone else's computer. **

**Love Always,**

** Alonx**

Your Very Own Singing, Dancing, Werewolf

Lily's wrath had lasted at least an hour. There was screaming, kicking, a fair amount of laughing from Tonks, (nobody else dared) and a permanent haircut given to Sirius. A buzz cut really didn't look good on him. And yet, Sirius hadn't given up the hair removal tonic antidote.

The Marauders sat in Sirius flat the next day. Sirius was muttering and running his hands through his hair as he paced the living room. Tonks and Fred were sitting on the couch, watching him in amusement.

Sirius turned to them, "Well, we can't target Lily anymore, and if we target Prongs Lily might think we aiming for her and that only leaves Moony."

"Yeah but he'll be expecting it." Tonks pointed out.

"What other choice do we have?" Sirius asked irritably.

Tonks and Fred didn't respond.

Sirius nodded, "So here's the plan." And they put their heads together and whispered a conversation.

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The other team, let's call them the Mature(ish)rs, were sitting in James and Lily's flat. Lily was seething. "We have to get that antidote." She growled.

The boys nodded meekly.

"And the only way to do that is if we hold all of them hostage so Sirius has no other choice, right? Because just playing a prank isn't going to help much when it comes to my poor hair."

The boys nodded again.

"Alright, here's the plan."

**THE NEXT DAY,**

Tonks rolled over in her bed and groaned. "I don't wanna get up," she complained sleepily.

Remus smirked at her, "then don't."

"Mmmhhmm."

"Hey Dora," Remus said a little later.

"whaaaaaat?" Tonks moaned.

"Do you think that they have full moons up here?"

"If they don't then I definitely shouldn't have my time of the month. It's only fair." Tonks replied.

Remus laughed, "how about I go figure those questions out at the Library."

"Naturally you would."

Remus kissed her on the cheek then left.

As soon as he was out of the door and it was closed behind him Tonks jumped out of bed and Sirius stepped out of the closet. He rubbed his hands together and said, "Alright, let's get down to buissiness."

"I'll take the bathroom you take the bed?"

Sirius made a face, "there's no way I'm touching that bed."

Tonks rolled her eyes, "fine. You take the bathroom."

"Better," said Sirius nodding solemnly.

Five minuets later Tonks had cast the charm and Sirius was done in the bathroom.

"I love superglue," he said, staring at it in admiration.

"I think spellotape's better. It can solve all the world's problems." Tonks said.

Sirius huffed, "It can't solve world hunger."

"Oh shut up."

"We should go meet up with Fred in the common room."

"Okay." Tonks said.

The set out for the common room and upon entering it were firmly captured in a very large flour sack.

Fred looked up at them from the inside and said, "Come to join the party?"

"Apparently." Tonks said.

They heard laughter from the other side. "So, gonna give us the antidote now?"

"It depends. Hey, where did you get this things anyway?" Sirius said dumbfounded.

James laughed mysteriously, "I have my people."

"Right." Tonks said with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh and Dora the answers to your questions are no and no." Remus said.

"I do believe they were your questions Rem,"

"Ooooh you got buuuurned." Sirius said.

"Give us the antidote or we'll give you all permanent haircuts!" Lily said in a dangerously low voice.

Tonks rolled her eyes, soooo scary."

"Tonks," said Fred nervously, "It may not have an effect on you but it does on me."

"Fine, fine. Sirius give them the antidote."

"Certainly. But I don't have it with me. Kindly let us down."

Remus let go of the rope that was holding them up and the sack hit the ground with a large_ thunk! _As they clambered out Tonks walked over to Remus and swatted him on the arm.

"OWWW!" She said angrily.

Sirius walked over to James and Lily's kitchen and pulled the antidote out from on top of the fridge.

The Mature(ish)rs all stood with mouths wide open as they saw this. Sirius tossed Lily the antidote and she poured it in her hair it grew back instantly. Nobody told her that it was a bright pink color, courtesy of Tonks, though.

The Marauders ran swiftly out of the room before they started laughing.

"Oh my god." Tonks said between her laughter.

"They didn't even tell her." Sirius gasped.

"I guess they didn't want another yelling match." Fred said.

Tonks nodded.

**THAT NIGHT **

Tonks was sitting on her bed waiting for Remus to come out of the bathroom.

"Dora," Remus called from the bathroom.

"Yes?"

"Would you happen to know why all my stuff is super glued to the counter?"

"No." Tonks said innocently.

He came out of the bathroom and pushed her onto the bed tickling her mercilessly.

"No stop, stop it! It was a prank I'm sorry." Tonks gasped.

He stopped tickling her and laid down on the bed. Tonks turned on the radio a song was just ending.

"Will you sing the next song for me?" Tonks asked.

He studied her, she seemed genuine, not too genuine, but just the right amount of genuine. "Sure."

Tonks clapped her hands together, "Yay!" She put a charm on the wall so it showed the lyrics to the song. The next song came on, and Remus groaned, before he reluctantly started singing. Tonks yelled 'action' which activated the charm that would record Remus' singing and dancing.

_Just gonna stand there and watch me burn_

_But that's alright because I like the way it hurts_

_Just gonna stand there and hear me cry_

_But that's alright because I love the way you lie_

_I love the way you lie._

_I can't tell you what it really is_

_I can only tell you what it feels like_

_And right now it's a steel knife in my windpipe_

_I can't breathe but I still fight while I can fight_

_As long as the wrong feels right it's like I'm in flight_

_High off of love, drunk from my hate,_

_It's like I'm huffing paint and I love it the more I suffer, I suffocate_

_And right before I'm about to drown, she resuscitates me_

_She fucking hates me and I love it._

_Wait! Where you going?_

_"I'm leaving you"_

_No you ain't. Come back we're running right back._

_Here we go again_

_It's so insane cause when it's going good, it's going great_

_I'm Superman with the wind at his back, she's Lois Lane_

_But when it's bad it's awful, I feel so ashamed I snapped_

_Who's that dude? I don't even know his name_

_I laid hands on her, I'll never stoop so low again_

_I guess I don't know my own strength_

_Just gonna stand there and watch me burn_

_But that's alright because I like the way it hurts_

_Just gonna stand there and hear me cry_

_But that's alright because I love the way you lie_

_I love the way you lie_

_I love the way you lie_

_You ever love somebody so much you can barely breathe_

_When you're with 'em_

_You meet and neither one of you even know what hit 'em_

_Got that warm fuzzy feeling_

_Yeah, them chills you used to get 'em_

_Now you're getting fucking sick of looking at 'em_

_You swore you'd never hit 'em; never do nothing to hurt 'em_

_Now you're in each other's face spewing venom in your words when you spit them_

_You push, pull each other's hair, scratch, claw, hit 'em_

_Throw 'em down, pin 'em_

_So lost in the moments when you're in them_

_It's the rage that took over it controls you both_

_So they say you're best to go your separate ways_

_Guess if they don't know you 'cause today that was yesterday_

_Yesterday is over, it's a different day_

_Sound like broken records playing over but you promised her_

_Next time you show restraint_

_You don't get another chance_

_Life is no Nintendo game_

_But you lied again_

_Now you get to watch her leave out the window_

_Guess that's why they call it window "pain"_

_Just gonna stand there and watch me burn_

_But that's alright because I like the way it hurts_

_Just gonna stand there and hear me cry_

_But that's alright because I love the way you lie_

_I love the way you lie_

_I love the way you lie_

_Now I know we said things, did things that we didn't mean_

_And we fall back into the same patterns, same routine_

_But your temper's just as bad as mine is_

_You're the same as me_

_But when it comes to love you're just as blinded_

_Baby, please come back_

_It wasn't you, baby it was me_

_Maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems_

_Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano_

_All I know is I love you too much to walk away though_

_Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk_

_Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk_

_Told you this is my fault_

_Look me in the eyeball_

_Next time I'm pissed, I'll lay my fist at the drywall_

_Next time? There won't be no next time!_

_I apologize even though I know its lies_

_I'm tired of the games I just want her back_

_I know I'm a liar_

_If she ever tries to fucking leave again_

_Im'a tie her to the bed and set this house on fire_

_I'm just gonna_

_Just gonna stand there and watch me burn_

_But that's alright because I like the way it hurts_

_Just gonna stand there and hear me cry_

_But that's alright because I love the way you lie_

_I love the way you lie_

_I love the way you lie_

Tonks rolled around on the bed laughing "Cut." She choked out and a VCR tape appeared out of thin air. Remus' face turned ashen as he realized what she did. Tonks was laughing so hard tears were welling up in her eyes at the sight of his face. Remus heard something peculiar coming from the closet. He opened it to find Sirius in the same state as his wife. Sirius got up off the floor of the closet and he and Tonks pranced out of the room.

In the common room Fred was handing out fliers that read,

**COME AND WATCH YOUR VERY OWN SINGING, DANCING, WEREWOLF!**

**TOMORROW NIGHT AT 7 O'CLOCK HERE IN THE COMMON ROOM**

(TICKETS ARE FREE IF YOU BUY NOW!)

At the sight of Sirius and Tonks with a not-so-happy Remus trailing after them his face broke into a wide grin. Tonks chucked him the tape.

"Keep that safe!" she warned him.

"Of course." He said.

Remus grabbed Tonks around the waist. "Tell me where it is."

"I don't know." Tonks said innocently.

"Yes you do."

"Nuh uh,"

"Dora…" he trailed off menacingly.

"Sirius! Im staying at your place tonight."

"Damn right you are." He replied. And they ran. All three Marauders, all the way to Sirius flat where they collapsed on the floor, panting. They laid there for a moment then Fred went to hide the tape.

Tonks and Sirius made up a bed for Tonks, and just as Tonks was sitting down on it Fred reappeared looking nervous.

"I think I'll stay here tonight too. You know. Safety in numbers." He laughed nervously.

"Okay." Sirius said calmly.

**TWO HOURS LATER**

James, Lily and Remus crept through Sirius flat. Remus set to work on the wall writing MATURE(ISH)ERS RULE! And stuff like that.

Lily gave Fred a permanent hair growth potion and then made the now longer hair an afro. She frowned at Tonks, knowing cutting her hair wouldn't work. Then, as she got an idea, a smile graced her face. She pulled a mini sewing kit out of her pocket and sewed Tonks pant legs together. Lily nicked Tonks wand and put it on top of the fridge.

James was in Sirius bedroom transfiguring all his clothes to the likes of Augusta Longbottom as Remus had instructed him. After he was done he snuck out to the living room where Tonks and Fred were. He put Tonks in a clown suit and Fred in Tonks' clothing. Excellent.

Then the three of them crept back out of the flat.

**THE MORNING**

Tonks woke up first, looked down at her body, let out a high-pitched scream, and then clamped her hand over her mouth as if she didn't know she was capable of making that sound. Fred was startled by her scream and promptly fell off the couch. HE looked up at her and started laughing at her.

"Shut up!" Tonks wailed.

"Sorry," Fred choked out.

As he got up and the blanket he had been using fell off Tonks looked at him with murder in her eyes. "What. The hell. Are you doing. In my clothes?"

Fred yelped and looked down at himself. "It wasn't me, I swear."

"It must've been them!" Tonks growled.

Sirius walked out then scratching his butt and yawning. He then saw them, his eyes widened, and he fell over laughing.

"I wouldn't be laughing. You don't look so charming yourself." Tonks commented dryly.

Sirius looked at himself, then his face got all red and he looked as if he was hyperventilating.

They had drawn a handlebar moustache and a little goatee on his face with green sharpie. Sirius couldn't see that, of course, but he did see that they had pierced his bellybutton.

"What're we gonna do?" Sirius asked.

"Well first, we're gonna get all this crap off of us so we look normal again. Then, we're gonna get some embarrassing footage of James and Lily." Tonks said.

She tried to walk towards the door but fell flat on her face, due to the state of her jeans. There was more laughter from behind her. "Shut up," she warned. She reached for her wand to hex their mouths shut, but it wasn't there. She turned in a circle trying to find it, and fell on her butt again. The laughter doubled from behind her. Tonks finally saw it sitting on the fridge. She bit her lip, thinking. Then she morphed wings onto her back and flew to the top of the fridge, grabbed her wand, and landed with as much dignity as she could muster.

With her wand she repaired her jeans so they were back to normal. She turned to Sirius and Fred, "If you will excuse me, I must go and murder my husband."

"We'll just clean ourselves up and meet you in the common room." Sirius called after her.

**THE COMMON ROOM**

The Marauders sat in the common room, patiently waiting for 7 O'clock to come around.

Yeah right. They were all running around the common room, ripping down posters that the Mature(ish)ers had made with the pictures they took after they vandalized the Maraurders. Speak of the devil, the Mature(ish)ers walked into the room just then. Remus had bruises up and down his jaw, a quick blistering hex had hit James, and Lily still had the pink hair so Tonks didn't do anything to her.

"Well look who it is," James said arrogantly.

Tonks didn't say anything just rapped her wand against her knuckles threatingly.

James whimpered like a puppy and shrank back. Tonks smiled.

**7 O'CLOCK**

Sirius had found a huge projector screen and projector and the tape was injected in it, ready to play. There was a large crowd, but Remus was nowhere to be seen. Shame.

Tonks walked up onto he stage they had conjured with a mic. "Hello dead people!" she said with a smile and a wave. "Are you ready for this?"

The crowd cheered.

"I'll take that as a yes!" she said and clicked the play button on the remote.

**2 H0URS LATER**

After replaying the video almost 20 times, Tonks was worn out. She could barely climb the stairs to her flat, kind of worn out. She slid into bed without undressing, and curled into the body of her husband. He furrowed his brow in his sleep and mumbled "Dora, gerroff me."

Tonks rolled away in indignation, "so just because of a prank I'm not allowed to cuddle you?"

"Exactly."

Tonks sighed; this was going to be a very long war.

**A/N TA-DA!**


	4. The War Goes On

**A/N I have returned! I am alive! Oh, I also have a chapter too.**

**The War Goes On**

Nymphadora Lupin was getting very annoyed with her husband. I mean, all she had done to him was play a little prank on him that ended with public embarrassment. And he goes and gives her he silent treatment.

The man in question was sitting on the couch in their apartment, reading. If he noticed her come in he didn't show it. She plopped down next to him and sighed.

"Remus, I know you love reading, but it'd be great if you could actually talk to me."

"…"

"Shouldn't you be used to pranks by now."

One eyebrow appeared over the book.

"What?"

"I would be fine with Sirius pranking me. But I thought we would have had some prearranged alliance."

Tonks sighed again, "You know I'm not good with this type of thing."

He smiled.

"And what about that night when we were all at Sirius's place."

"Didn't touch you."

She bit her lip, "oh."

Remus held out his hand, "alliance?"

"Yes," she said shaking his hand firmly, "sorry for being a prat."

"Me too."

"Lets kick butt."

**JAMES AND LILY'S FLAT**

"Where could he be?" James said dumbfounded.

Lily shrugged, "maybe he got bored of us."

James huffed, "bored of us? Please."

"Maybe he wanted to spend some quality time with his wife," Lily said, waggling her eyebrows suggestively.

"Now that is much more likely."

Just then Remus burst through the door, panting. "Sorry I'm late, I was up late… reading last night."

Lily and James shared a look.

Remus cleared his throat in embarrassment. "What'd I miss?"

"Nothing."

"Oh." Remus said, "good." He sat down on the couch next to them.

"I was thinking that maybe we should target Tonks specifically," James said.

"Because she targeted you specifically." Explained Lily.

Remus shrugged. "Sounds good to me."

"Hmm, what are the things that Tonks hates the most?"

"She hates mushrooms."

Lily raised an eyebrow. "That's all?"

"She hates that she's clumsy."

"Anything else?"

"The color orange."

"Nothing else crosses your mind?"

"She hates green tea."

"Remus," James interjected, rolling his eyes, "all we can do with what you've given us so far is have her trip over an orange chair and have her land in a bowl of mushrooms and green tea."

Remus shrugged helplessly.

"Alright new tactic," Lily said. "What is something that gets on Tonks's nerves?"

"When people call her Nymphadora."

"That's all you can think of?" Lily asked.

"I don't think you understand just how much she hates her name."

James rolled his eyes, "It can't be that bad."

"Do you want to bet on that?" Remus said with raised eyebrows.

"Yes," James said in a smart-aliky voice, "as a matter of fact I do."

"Alright, five galleons she'll hex you if you call her Nymphadora more than once?"

"Done," James said shaking Remus's hand firmly.

**MEANWHILE,**

Sirius and Fred were sitting on the couch in Sirius' flat**,** waiting for Tonks.

"Where _is _she?" Fred asked.

Sirius rolled his eyes, "probably tripped over her own feet and fell down the stairs on her way here and is back at her flat cleaning herself up."

Fred laughed.

At that precise moment Tonks burst through the door. "Sorry I'm late I slipped on the stairs on my way up."

Fred and Sirius shared a look.

"But it wasn't my fault!" Tonks said, defending herself, "Someone left a bottle of oil on the steps and it spilt and I slipped on it!"

Sirius raised an eyebrow, "And how did the bottle spill?"

Tonks blushed, "well I. I um… I might have accidentally hit it with my toe."

"Mmmhmm." Said Fred.

Tonks made a face at the boys, "So what's the plan? They're probably gonna have major retaliation after that last prank.."

Sirius nodded in agreement, "Yeah,"

"I have nothing." Fred said.

"Nothing at all." Tonks said.

"Me neither," Sirius said sighing.

"Okay," Fred said, thinking hard, "If we cant think of anything we need a distraction. So we can have more time to think."

"How about we challenge them to a nice friendly game of Qudditch?" Tonks said.

"YES! Sirius likey." Said Sirius

"Instead of having a game so we can take our minds off things, we turn _that _into the prank." Said Tonks.

"OH SIRIUS REALLY LIKEY!" Sirius said a Marauder-ish glint in his eyes.

Tonks looked at him with her mouth open slightly. "Dude, we should really get you a new hobby."

"Like playing matchmaker? Because _some people _could never seem to do it on their own." He shot back quickly.

Tonks rolled her eyes, her cheeks slightly pink. "We didn't _need _you to lock us in the library until we 'were good children and snogged each other senseless.'"

"Man, people just love locking you inside places, don't they?" Fred said.

"I have come to the conclusion that they do." Tonks said. "Sirius, don't get a new hobby, your hobby is perfectly fine."

"Good, 'cause I have the perfect thing for this." Sirius said.

**THAT NIGHT IN THE COMMON ROOM**,

The Marauders and the Mature(ish)ers were sitting across from each other. Shooting each other suspicious glances.

"So," Tonks finally said in a business-like tone, "I propose that we have a temporary truce, and just have a nice, friendly game of quidditch."

"Only if it's in public." James said. Lily gave him a exasperated look. "What? I want the world to see them get crushed by m-us."

"Sure Prongsie. It can be in public if you want it to." Sirius said, rolling his eyes.

"Wait, wait, wait, we only have three people each, we can't play quidditch." Remus said.

"Ughhgghhh," Tonks groaned, "Why do you have to so damned logical?"

"Force of habit." Remus said dryly.

"We don't have to play with a seeker." James suggested.

"So we would have a beater, a chaser, and a keeper?" Remus inquired.

"You really are starting to get annoying." Lily told him.

Remus held up his hands in surrender, "just pointing out the facts."

"You always do," Tonks muttered.

Remus ignored her, "Why don't we just have two chasers equipped with beaters bats?"

They all considered this idea, "Not bad," Tonks concluded.

"Temporary truce?" James asked offering his hand out to the Marauders.

"Temporary truce," Sirius agreed firmly, shaking James's hand.

Little did anyone know that both Sirius and James had their fingers crossed behind their backs.

**THE POTTER'S APARTMENT,**

"Come on Lils," James was complaining, "You _know _that Sirius will try something."

"So if you're going to pull something pull it on Sirius," Lily replied.

James nodded, "Ok,"

"I have to go," said Remus suddenly. He had forgotten he had a meeting with Tonks at their apartment in 5 minuets.

Lily narrowed her eyes in suspicion, "where are you going?"

"I have a date," said Remus without skipping a beat. That was the excuse they had rehearsed.

"With your wife?" James inquired.

"No with Snuffles. Of course with my wife." Remus said rolling his eyes.

"No need to get snappish."

"Goodbye." Remus said walking out and slamming the door behind him.

"What's up with him?" James said grumpily.

"No idea."

**THE LUPIN'S PLACE**

Tonks was starting to think that Remus was going to stand her up, when Remus burst through the door.

"Sorry I'm late, I forgot my watch here." He said, gesturing to the watch laying on the desk. Then sighed, "have you noticed that any honest mistake sounds suspicious?"

"No. I don't make mistakes." Tonks boasted.

Remus rolled his eyes, "walked right into that one didn't I?"

"Yes." She said. "So what did they say?"

"They are going to do something to Sirius broom."

Tonks nodded, "I don't know exactly what Sirius is going to do, but I don't think he's going to do anything to you for a while after that last prank."

"Ok." Remus said. "And I was thinking that we might want to wait a little while before we play a prank and notify everyone of our alliance."

Tonks nodded again, "Makes sense."

"Good. Now you go eavesdrop and see if any other alliance's are happening behind our back."

Tonks morphed into a giggling blonde beauty, "do you think I could crash Sirius's place without him trying to kiss me?"

"No." Remus said.

"Then what do you think I should do?" said Tonks exasperatedly.

"Maybe a boy?" Remus suggested.

"A boy?" Said Tonks disbelievingly.

"Yes."

"Fine" Tonks said huffily. She morphed her hair short and brown and made her jaw just a little broader.

"You don't look like a boy. You just look like an ugly girl."

"What do you think I should do then?" Tonks demanded.

"Well for starters you might want to make those curves a little less… curvy." Remus said running his hands over said curves. "Might want to flatten your chest a bit. You are much too petite and fragile. You don't have an Adam's apple, and your jeans make it really obvious that you are no boy."

"Fine." Tonks said huffily and she morphed all those traits into her appearance.

"You know," Remus said, "this is the first time I've been tempted to kiss a boy."

Tonks raised an eyebrow.

"What? You make a very sexy boy."

Tonks shook her head. "Goodbye crazy wolf man."

"Wolf man?"

"Yes," said Tonks solemnly.

Remus rolled his eyes as Tonks walked smartly out of the room.

Once she was in the hallway she walked down to the common room where Fred was sitting, just as she hoped. She sat next to him.

"Hey." Fred said.

"Sup man." Tonks said. She sighed heavily.

"Something wrong?"

"Well you see, I have this cousin who I really want revenge on for something, and I just don't have anything."

"Revenge?" Said Fred, his eyes lighting up.

"Yeah, if I don't get some I'm gonna lose my notorious prankster rep." Jeez she was really laying it thick, and he didn't suspect a thing.

"You want to get some real good revenge you should come back to my friends place. He's great."

"Sure bro."

"Hey wait,"

Dang it! She had messed up. "Yeah?"

"I didn't even get your name."

"Oh my name? It's George." She said quickly then immediately felt bad as she saw the sadness in his eyes.

"Oh. I had a brother named George." Fred said.

"Cool. I had a me named George."

"Huh?"

"What?"

"What?"

"You know what, just drop it."

Fred nodded, "Come on lets go see my friend now."

"What's his name?"

"Sirius."

"Like the mass murderer?" Tonks asked

"Exactly." Fred murmured.

They walked

"This is it." Fred said abruptly. He opened the door, "Honey I'm home."

_Fred and Sirius? Never saw that one coming._ Tonks thought.

"Oh hey babe." Sirius said. "Who's your friend?"

"This is George. He needs some revenge help."

"Revenge? Oh I cook the best revenge."

**A/N, Next chapter will be up quicker than this one, I promise.**


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